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Krazychic

Where you at?

With it being as quiet as it is here lately I thought a new thread of what you've been doing and where you're at in life would be good to touch base.

 

 

It's school holidays again here and I've had plenty to keep me occupied since the last break when I visited Red Wood Forest etc.

 

Edited by Krazychic

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My wife had a miscarriage about a month ago. She went in for her first ultrasound at 10 weeks and found out it had died about 3 weeks prior. She carried it for 2 more weeks while using medication to pass it out but it wouldn't go on it's own. She ended up having to have surgery to get it out. She went into surgery the day before our son's first birthday. Those couple of weeks were pretty tough. I wasn't really torn up about it. Miscarriages happen all of the time, but of course she felt it was something that was wrong with her. For those couple of weeks while she was waiting for it to pass or go into surgery we had some pretty tough nights where I was just doing damage control trying to convince her it wasn't her fault. The doctors said that this early it was most likely a chromosomal mismatch, and it wasn't caused by anything preventable. 2 weeks after the surgery now things are pretty well back to normal, but it was kind of a rough ride for a little bit.

 

For the past couple of months, when I wasn't dealing with that and chasing my son around putting the house back together, I've been doing my best to learn programming and work on a project. I've been riding Kavawuvi's coattails and learning to use his map parser and messing around with opengl. It's very satisfying, but very time consuming. I spend a good chunk of my evenings on it several times a week. It's good for me to flex my mind though, and not waste too much of it playing video games.

 

A couple of weeks ago one of my brothers announced his engagement. And then I had one of my best friends over on Saturday and found out his engagement got called off (it was a graceful breakup, thankfully).

 

The last month or so has been a wild ride for me, my dudes. But I got a raise today, so there's that.


Kavawuvi: one of these days these glutes are gonna squawk all over you

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It's been a wild couple of months for me, and looking back I think I could probably say the same about the last 6 years. Right now I've become an alcoholic and I'm struggling to find my way in life, dealing with psychological damage that was caused by my ex boyfriend. In October I got away from my abusive, sociopath, child molesting ex, after a SWAT team busted down our front door at 6AM. I was no longer a handcuff virgin at that point, and they interrogated me for several hours as I slowly began to find out just who I had been living with for 6 years. He was in jail for several weeks and only recently got released, and this morning I found out one of his family members most likely told him my new address.

 

The police arrested him because he was doing illegal things to avoid being detected as being on the sexual offender registry, and he was running sports programs for children at schools and gyms with an age limit of 14 years old. He has been on the registry since he was my age, 25, when he started luring minors into bookstore bathrooms with porn magazines. The police confiscated most of my computers and flash drives because of the possibility that there was evidence on them, and even took my beloved personal computer tower valued at around $2000. I've been limping along on a SFF workstation I picked out of the trash at CNN HQ, a former CNN Newsroom PC which isn't very useful for anything other than Runescape and web browsing.

 

Turns out, after I got violently kicked out of my mom's house at 19, and he immediately let me move in with him, I had been a bit naive to assume it was innocent. He had his hand down my pants within a week of me "moving in". I was pretty much the perfect naive target for him; naive, pansexual, legal, and very young looking. For the entire 6 years I was with him, I had to deal with emotional abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting on almost a daily basis. Every single decision, no matter how small, had to go through him first. It took me about 2 weeks of being alone in October for my brain to begin to unwind, and for me to realize how unimaginably fucked the whole thing was. I then found out that he had molested my little brother when he was around 12 years old, and he's now pressing both criminal and civil charges against my ex.

 

So far, the biggest insult of all has been that I've lost my core principles and changed into a different person. I'm angry all the time and listening to rock music I always hated, thinking violent thoughts, wanting to buy a gun just in case he finds me, and losing my humanitarian side I loved so dearly. I constantly believe the person I'm speaking to has some other agenda and is manipulating me. At the end of every day I can do nothing other than cower in my apartment, curl up in the fetal position on my unfurnished living room carpet, and listen to old 80's cassette tapes while I get drunk on Jack Daniels whiskey.

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I've switched jobs to where I don't have to travel as much. My previous job had an install/upgrade schedule that was 1 week in Maryland and then 1 week out somewhere else. So I would have been gone every other week. I realized how underpaid I was for that position (essentially a systems engineer making only $48k/yr...) and I decided it was time to move on. I really miss those guys, but the lack of compensation didn't pay out for the time missed back at home with my SO. I'm a SysAdmin at a data center making a little more than I was making, but I am hoping to get a pay raise soon. I spend most of my days monitoring my systems, rack and stacks, cabling, some troubleshooting and writing PowerShell scripts for monotonous tasks. I am also getting certified for AWS Solutions Architect. My company just pitched that they would like to move me from my current role into a consulting position to migrate clients into AWS and Azure, which I'm hoping will be a large pay jump. 

 

My SO and I have been together for nearly 2 years and are having a baby girl due in late-February/early-March. 

 

I moved into a new apartment, so the rent is cheaper. Trying to consolidate debt and be smarter with my money and what I'm paying for. It's been rough since I'm the only source of income for our house right now and between work, house chores and running errands, I have limited time for myself these days. My girlfriend has had a really rough pregnancy where she's been sick the entire time, so she's been unable to work or help out around the house, and the doctor told her she's pretty much on bedrest since she's having blood pressure/migraine spikes. I'm a one-man-band at this point until we finally have the baby. 

 

Had a lot of life crap happen in the past year. My great uncle died, my grandmother on my mom's side died, my SO's mother with 4th stage COPD nearly died in the hospital due to a really bad infection and her colon burst... All within a few months of each other. 

 

On 12/16/2018 at 3:37 PM, Floofies said:

<post>

That's terrible. I am so sorry that's happened to you and I can see why trust is such a hard thing. I was like this after I realized my long-term ex took advantage of me to fill her voids between relationships and it made it very hard to trust anyone. I focused on myself for a long time before I entered my current relationship (7 years later) and it's still taking me effort to trust people. It's given me pretty bad anxiety and when I feel like I'm starting to lack control of situations, that's when it gets really bad. 


Grumpy UNIX and Cloud Administrator | 90's Boomer

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