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Krazychic

To All the Brave Kids Who Broke up with Their Toxic Dads

You are going to be more than okay. Whether it was because of an addiction, constant excuses for not being there, an irresistible urge to put you down, an indifference or inability to give and receive love, his past, pride, selfishness, the fact that he’s weak or scared, or just the heartbreak of dealing with a man who’s broken, you did the hardest break-up that your heart will ever have to endure. You need to understand how brave you are.

 

He is your creator but it was his job to be much more than that. There should have been a consistent effort on his part – to nurture and shape you. To influence you with his strength, love and kindness. It was his job to teach you that people don’t leave when things get hard. That people fight for what’s worth fighting for. It was his job to be the one person in the world who would never hurt you.

 

A father should teach you how not to be afraid, to be open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. A father should make you feel like everything will be okay.

You didn’t give up – you realized that you can’t change people. You’ve reached your breaking point and said, screw him and all his darkness. You learned how easy it is to get broken in the effort to keep a relationship with a toxic person. You have learned that no, it is not your job. And no, it is not your fault. As the child it is the father’s job to always be there for you. 

You need to understand that he should have done his best to make you proud. To be there for your first heartbreak and your last. To help you get back up. To know you: who you love, what makes you happy, what moves you, what your dreams and passions are. To know all the depths of you – and you of him.

 

Your father created you, but he can never destroy you. You have realized that loving yourself means being strong enough to cut ties with him, and embracing all the gifts you have in your life.

I know that a toxic father’s power can be haunting – comfortable in its home in your bones. I know you can feel it every time you get close to someone. You’re incredibly uncomfortable letting them see your most vulnerable parts. No matter how much you love someone, you guard your heart as a way to protect yourself from any potential pain you might face. But none of that will spill out very easily. You don’t want anyone’s pity.

 

Your big, brave heart let go of the only man you truly ever needed when you were not done needing him. Because you know you are worth so much more than dealing with constant disappointments. You deserve so much credit that you definitely do not get enough of.

By letting go, by breaking up with your toxic father, you are fully opening yourself up to your ability to love others. Without the toxicity, there is nothing stopping you to be fearless, embrace life, and embrace yourself. Let yourself be with people who support and make you feel safe – who are worthy of your effort and love. And don’t ever be frustrated if you still love him, just be sure to love him from afar.

 

Source

 

 

**Just needed to share...

TCK, Puddin, Iggy and 1 other like this

Rumors are carried by haters
Spread by fools
and
Accepted by idiots

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I guess while we're sharing... this is what I worry about when I think about having kids. I feel like what I consider "affection" or "connection" is so shallow sometimes that it actually means nothing to anyone else. Out of the six girlfriends I've had, I never kissed any of them. Yes they were all in-person relationships. We talked, we laughed, we had sex; but I couldn't bring myself to kiss them. And cuddling feels... foreign. I don't want to be cold but I don't know how not to be.

 

Does this sound like something caused by a bad relationship with one or both parents? They have been married my whole life and still are, and neither abandoned me. I just don't understand.


Umh7x1l.gif

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Posted (edited)

On 2017-6-7 at 0:37 AM, Krazychic said:

He is your creator but it was his job to be much more than that. There should have been a consistent effort on his part – to nurture and shape you. To influence you with his strength, love and kindness. It was his job to teach you that people don’t leave when things get hard. That people fight for what’s worth fighting for. It was his job to be the one person in the world who would never hurt you.

 

Despite being an active participant in both mine and my younger sister's conception, he never actually wanted us... well, not until the custody battle began (and that was just to spite my Mom). Along with my Mom, we were subject to his abusive behaviour (both mental and physical). And to top everything off, he became financially destructive during the separation/divorce process - racking up £10000s of debt, refusing to pay anything in regards to child maintenance/support, refusal to pay the mortgage (my Mom had just started her first year of university before their marriage ended).

 

So yea, my father was a piece of shit. I can't speak for him now as hes been removed from my life for just over 16 years, but I'd like to think he learned a lesson or two from his previous actions and been able to apply those lessons to his new family.

 

The is open if he ever wants to return from his new life in Australia, but I'm not going to send an invite. But to be quite honest: hes a coward. He wouldn't be able to handle the consequences of his shitty attempt at 'parenting'. He wouldn't be able to handle the resent and hate held by 2 of his 3 children. He wouldn't be able to handle the fact that our lives were 1000x better without him in it, despite us having to live with the consequences of his actions whilst hes living a new life with his kangaroo family.

Edited by Sceny

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On 6/7/2017 at 1:26 PM, TCK said:

I guess while we're sharing... this is what I worry about when I think about having kids. I feel like what I consider "affection" or "connection" is so shallow sometimes that it actually means nothing to anyone else. Out of the six girlfriends I've had, I never kissed any of them. Yes they were all in-person relationships. We talked, we laughed, we had sex; but I couldn't bring myself to kiss them. And cuddling feels... foreign. I don't want to be cold but I don't know how not to be.

 

Does this sound like something caused by a bad relationship with one or both parents? They have been married my whole life and still are, and neither abandoned me. I just don't understand.

It's hard to root-cause things like this. It could just be the way things are? People react differently to all sorts of circumstances. For example, my sister had therapy after our parents divorced, but I was hardly fazed.

 

Aloofness is a sort of mental armor. In college I tried to put conscious effort into being more empathetic, but I came to appreciate the emotional stability from not being so attuned.

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That makes sense. I guess I do shut my empathy off when it becomes overwhelming. I was raised to feel way too much of it.


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