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Feeling left out

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So at this point a lot of my friends are getting married or having kids and I'm not.

 

Current job sucks and haven't had luck finding a better one. I feel like I'm lagging behind but one thing that kind of cheers me up a bit in a somewhat messed up way is that several of these apparently "happy" friends have confided that they are not too happy in reality. Some complained about their spouses and others admitted that their job sucks even though they're making good $.

 

This does bring some comfort but overall I still kind of feel like crap at times.

 

Trying to improve my social circle as well, want to avoid the bar scene right now, any tips aside from professional mixers?

 

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Tiddy-bits:

This is a tough one. I guess from my own experience is to get out more and maybe get into more activities  and clubs that involves interaction with other people. Also, you could just interact with people that you meet somewhere (does not have to be at a bar). It could be, for example, at a cafe and you see someone sitting by themselves. You can just go introduce yourself and try to start a conversation. I know doing this could be a little weird, but if that person does not want to talk to you then it is okay because you probably won't see that person ever again and just be proud that you at least tried. One more tip is that you can have your friends to introduce you to new people. It would be a lot easier when you have a friend there to support you as you try to improve your social circle. Hope this helps you get an idea.

Edited by Daywu

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I'm a bit socially awkward too, I don't go out drinking or partying, but when I do get out, those people that spend time with me I value immensely. As mentioned above, maybe try finding a group that does a hobby you like, or try something completely new. Once you get into a group of people doing the same thing as you, you might be surprised how easy it is to strike up small talk that could be a platform to build on.

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I hope you're not feeling the urge to run and get married and have children.

 

Like others have stated you should expand your circle of friends. Don't go and burden yourself with marriage and children. Waking up early in the morning to feed a shitting baby isn't fun. Marriage carries a big responsibility. 

 

You're not lagging behind. Your friends are telling you that it's not all it's up to be yet you think it is. Don't get carried away with the concerns of life.

 

Take a walk. Invest time in a hobby. Enjoy your life. Is it not written?

 

 

9 Rejoice, O young man, in your youth,

And let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth;
Walk in the ways of your heart,
And in the sight of your eyes;
But know that for all these
God will bring you into judgment.
10 Therefore remove sorrow from your heart,
And put away evil from your flesh, -Ecclesiastes 11:9-10

 

You are young. Be happy. Make friends. Listen to music. Don't overburden yourself.

 

Life isn't perfect. We come and go. I did time in a cell with 2 other guys. Was charged with Attempted Murder and it got dropped to Assault with a Deadly Weapon. Record got sealed.

 

Now I'm majoring in Psychology. You want to know the job market for a Psychologist?

LOL

 

And onward I go. Grateful for a chance at life once more.

 

Life is more than sex, drugs, partying, violence, war, lying, running, power, etc.

 

It is about love, sharing, peace, mercy, walking, moderation, calmness, forgiveness, etc.

 

Why ruin your youth? Enjoy that you are able to work. Enjoy your friends here and locally. Enjoy your life.

 

Christ bless. Romans 10:9

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The grass always looks greener on the otherside and when you get there you can sometimes look back and think 'wtf, why did I feel this way?, it's not what it's cracked up to be.'

 

Your married friends don't change, just their priorities.  I lost a good friend from this, she felt that my getting married would end the friendship, she was right BUT only because she chose to.  She chose to distance herself and after a few years I stopped making the effort to contact her.

 

One thing I learnt fast when having kids was not to care, not to care about if mine were keeping up in all aspects of development and you could adapt this attitude also.  Too many base their life on others progress and it continues throughout life, it's sad.  What you don't see or think of at the time is that those you are sumarising about come across as just one of the group and most probably don't discuss indepth their intentions for further years giving you the opinion that they are not deciding on anything, but striving for it in the background, resulting in a 'shell shocked' feeling.

 

If I were you I'd focus on what you want to achieve and strive for it.  In this journey you will go new places, make new friends, and if you feel the need, better yourself and become more confident in the process.

 

Growing up's the pits!!

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I am a thirty-five, going on thirty-six year old man.  I have never had a spouse, yet I have an adopted daughter, a biological son, a girl I have a weird relationship that amounts to housing/sheltering her with, and another girl who is tangentially related to me and my adopted daughter and lives with us.  Granted, everyone but the girl(Laura, I mentioned her in another post some time ago) is over eighteen now, but they still officially live with me, besides dorm rooms at college.  Do you know how many kids I originally set out to have?

 

None.

 

Do you know how many people I date?

 

Once every five years or so.

 

I'm not sexually driven, and I have never felt the need to search intensively for companionship.  The only time I came close to something really serious with a girl- the girl I had my son with- she was killed, and since then, it's not just in her memory, I just don't feel inclined to search.

 

I have several hobbies.  These tide me over while I have nothing else to do, and they keep me occupied and happy.  I play Warhammer 40,000 tabletop(that shit's expensive, man), I play computer games, I shoot guns sometimes.  I have some Space Marine power armor costumes.  I write frequently in my pastime and read at other times.  I'm perfectly happy with this simple arrangement.

 

The key to being happy isn't necessarily finding someone to love, though love can certainly create new happiness.  The problem is, relationships are complicated.  You run into ups and downs and sometimes you discover you weren't as made for each other as you think, and that causes a hell of a lot more unhappiness and strife than it did happiness.  Yeah, sometimes you get lucky or charismatic and you do great with someone.  There's plenty of examples.  But finding the right person isn't easy, isn't fast, and can't really be forced.  You have to meet people to do so, but you can't really actively search for it, because then you just end up becoming subconsciously desperate and picking rather incompatible people.

 

I won't say kids aren't a good thing.  They're not bad, certainly.  Really, they just make your life different.  Instead of a life revolving around survival for you, your life becomes a life of we, of us.  When you have kids- or even adopt, which isn't all that terrible an idea- you accept responsibility for another life.  You have to make sure that A. you have the income to support a whole other mouth to feed as well as the necessary housing setup, B. the patience to deal with a lot of childish bullshit early in life and give some uncomfortable but necessary advice here and there, and C. the emotional stability to provide a good example for a child.

 

As the above posts state, one of the best things to do is find a hobby.  If you're introverted, do introverted stuff(but don't shut yourself in the house all day, every day.  Find things outside to do now and then.)  If you're extroverted, go outside and do some people-things like events, clubs, meetings(but don't forget to focus on yourself some days.)  Happiness isn't a simple road and not everyone achieves it at the same time.

 

The divorce rate is around half.  That's 50%, or 1 in 2, of all people who decided to get married realized they had made a huge mistake.  Don't jump into anything like that quickly.  Stabilize your life.  If you want to start a family, yes, you will also require a well-paying job, and it may not be optimal.  Give to get; life isn't fair, but it can be happy, if you take the right steps.  If you take the time to partake in social activities related to stuff you enjoy(e.g. someone like me might attend W40k conventions, as an example) you will meet people on your own.

Edited by Tiamat7200
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